i swore that i would spend more time soaking up San Francisco life before my time here runs out! this week is my last week of work at Pacific Puffs, and our last week of a settled existence here. i have to admit, we are going about our lives with a mild impatience, eagerly anticipating the next stage. we have been slowly checking off a list, and i’m glad to say that we have done most of those things that we were ‘getting around to’. we went to an ice hockey game last night, seeing two great bands later this week and will have a celebration with my little work family on Friday night. On Sunday, we embark on our travels!
When we return, it will be between travels as resident tourists. we will be back to SF for just a few days before we leave again to Coachella, and make the ultimate roadtrip along the coastal highway back to SF, returning for the last time April 25-30. this will be our final goodbye to San Francisco - showing Gracie the place that has been our home for 8 months, seeing some of the tourists sights we haven’t yet bothered to see and saying goodbye to this beautiful place!
i haven’t had the chance to document it, but i promise that i have been savouring every little moment (or trying to). it’s not hard to get the ‘san francisco feel’. sometimes, i take a few minutes to look out over a neighbouring hill, lined with big round trees and decorated like a puzzle of terrace houses with every colour of the rainbow. i’ve also been taking mental notes of my favourite eccentric regulars to the cream-puffery. the ‘real foods lady’ (“it’s DARK”); ‘jurassic park t-shirt’ and the cute little schoolgirls. some mornings, i just peek out the window of our room at a cable car rolling down the hill (full of tourists) and remind myself ‘i live in San Francisco’ - those people came here to visit from all over the world, and this is my home (for only a little while longer!).
we will start to pack up our room this week and organise our lives, so that our limited time here with our friend won’t be wasted on boring tasks. once again, we commence the process of ‘disappearing’, just as we did almost a year ago in our preparations for this trip. we will sort our belongings, leave some behind, sell things if we can, cancel our accounts and arrange forwarding addresses, make facebook connections and say our farewells to the friends we made here. it will be a time of very mixed feelings as we feel sad to leave but also so very excited for the next stage, making a life somewhere that we know we can stay for a little longer!
i will try really hard to take some photos later this week. and will definitely have lots of wonderful things to see from our travels… stay tuned!
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
I’ve been working ‘like a dawg’ (**I Love You, Man) lately and I just realised I haven’t done any photography for ages. We are now on the ‘home stretch’ in San Francisco so i should really be out capturing everything I can, in every spare moment.. i will endeavour to turn that around this week!
We are really going to miss this beautiful place, but in all my excitement to travel and in looking forward to the next stage, i guess i have neglected what is right under my nose. it always happens that way, we take for granted what we have and only realise how truly lucky we are, once its gone. I have been living in San Francisco for over 7 months now, and it just feels like home. In my contentment here, I am really not doing the city justice and I should soak up every second of it before its too late!
I’m so looking forward to travelling around the country, spending time with our good friend at Coachella and in SF, and then returning home to my family and precious little puppies. I know, however, that there will be moments over the next few months/years/life when i look back on this time and yearn for what we left behind here. I know regrets are futile (and we won’t regret a second of this journey) but let’s not leave any corner unturned - just in case!